by Aggi Stevenson
I woke up fat again this morning. What went wrong last year? What did I do wrong? I started thinking about the things I shouldn’t have done last year. I made a list:
Twelve Things I Shouldn’t Have Done Last Year
January 2009-TOPPING THE LIST would have to be when I woke up on New Year’s day 2009 and had the bright idea of thinking I could actually embarrass myself into losing weight.
I shouldn’t have posted my real weight online for all the world to see. I shouldn’t have set such a grand goal for myself, to lose 50 pounds in a year. On paper, that is only 4.16 pounds a month. Who couldn’t do that? That’s a little more than a pound a week. That should be easy. I shouldn’t have thought that if I had realistically drawn upon my dieting experience of 2008.
The year before, I also woke up on New Year’s day with personal renewal on my mind. With the gusto of a hound dog, I set the same goal for 2008. By December 31, I had lost a total of 5 measly pounds … or 6 ounces a month…or 1.5 ounces per week…or 1/5 of an ounce per day. Not exactly burning up the scales.
Why I thought I could go from losing 5 pounds a year to losing 50 pounds a year, I do not know. A year seems like such a long time but believe me…It flies by!
February 2009 –THE TREADMILL would have to be one of the greatest areas of deception. I shouldn’t have put so much faith in that thing. Thinking as long as I spent 30 minutes on the treadmill two, three and sometimes 4 times a week, I would burn up all the extra calories consumed that week. I think I purchased it about September of 2008, when I could well see I was slipping in my goal to lose 50 pounds. I used it a few times but it was not the fun toy I thought it would be. However, in 2009, I used it a lot more. Much, much more. It just didn’t work the miracle I needed to get the weight off. Guess it’s too late to get a refund.
March 2009-TIME would have to be another thing I shouldn’t have taken for granted. After witnessing 2008 whiz by like a rocket, I shouldn’t have thought I had plenty of time.
April 2009-RESTAURANTS shouldn’t have been such a big part of my life in 2009. I shouldn’t have thought (lied to myself) that restaurant food was probably prepared like you would at home. Restaurants are interested in appeal and flavor. Little sprigs of this and swirls of that on the plate are to make you think you are someone special and this meal is something special too. Since I never met a restaurant I didn’t like, I ate out too much. Somewhere along the line I became President of the Clean Plate Club and thought I had to eat every sprig and swirl of it.
In defense of Wendy’s (my favorite little burger, Jr. Bacon cheeseburger) Generations (best Club ever) Theo’s (my favorite burger that comes with homemade chips) Fairfield Inn (favorite breakfast place) Cracker Barrel (best meatloaf dinner…I can’t eat meatloaf anywhere else) Shiki (favorite local Japanese, Hibachi Chicken…umm) La Fuente Mexican (favorite Chicken fajitas) Bob Evans (best turkey and dressing meal on the planet) Olive Garden ( Italian dressing to die for…soup and salad…you would think would be low calorie…you would be wrong) Macaroni Grill (great Salmon…great everything) Kanpei (Winston-Salem Japanese…all time favorite…best house dressing and mustard sauce…everything is great) Outback (blooming onion is King) Chick-Fil-A (favorite fast food…best chicken sandwich anywhere) Steak houses, drive thrus…
Sorry. I got carried away! What I meant to say was, in defense of the restaurants I go to, they probably do have healthy alternatives but I am a creature of habit. I already know what I want before I go inside and rarely need a menu. I shouldn’t have entered their doors so often.
May 2009- ALLI shouldn’t have been part of an attempt to jump-start my diet that was already falling by the wayside. I don’t know about you but I don’t really enjoy involuntary bowel movements much. On my way to a favorite restaurant, Alli kicked in and took over my body without warning. I could have been anywhere, with anyone, doing anything and it wouldn’t have made any difference. Thank God I was alone and still in my car. I turned around and came home. Like there was anything else I could do. That is a crappy product, pun intended, and shouldn’t be trusted as an aid to ones dieting.
June 2009-FRIENDSHIP shouldn’t have anything to do with weight loss. Girls. Come on. Don’t we ever get out of the fifth grade? I shouldn’t have been naive enough to think all of my friends would be supportive. Unkind remarks and not keeping in touch, shouldn’t have happened. But it did and that’s okay. My real friends are still here and I am still fat. Go figure!
July 2009-THE BIGGEST LOSER shouldn’t be one of my favorite shows. It gives you a false sense of weight loss. If they can lose 500 pounds in 10 weeks, I should be able to lose 50 in a week. Like the last week of December. All I have to do is eat six small meals a day and work out eight hours at a time. Hum… I have plenty of time. It is just July. I don’t have nearly the weight to lose those guys do. If they can do it, I certainly can. I shouldn’t have thought Jillian would involuntarily invade my mind the last week of December like Alli did my body in May.
August 2009-THE BEACH shouldn’t have been in my plans for August. I did feel much smaller though. I was experimenting with wearing sleeveless tops for the first time in 99 years. The beach was great fun. I wore a bathing suit for the first time in ages. Then…I slapped my camera card into the computer and wahla…there I was in printed form in a bathing suit. Mercy. Decided not to post any of those. I shouldn’t have thought my skin would just magically spring back where it used to be at my age. Sheesh. It doesn’t.
September 2009-DENIAL, I shouldn’t have gone into denial. I was losing the battle but still thought I could catch up. I had pieces of note paper everywhere with a meal or two written on it. I no longer had any desire to post anything on my blog about weight loss. I would rather have not talked about it at all.
October 2009-GIVING UP, I shouldn’t have given up. I quit posting online. I still had plenty of notes so I could catch up my blog but it would have been just plain food diary without the personal entries.
November 2009-ACCEPTED DEFEAT I shouldn’t have ignored the weight gain. Ignored the treadmill. Ignored drinking water and most of all, ignored the scales.
December 2009-OLD HABITS, I shouldn’t have become acquainted with an old friend. Old habits were back for the holidays. Remember those chocolate covered peanuts that plagued me through last December. I forsook all chocolate covered peanuts until December 2009. Then it was…Hello friend. We carried on quite an affair during the month of December. Now I am ready to kick them to the curb again.
I shouldn’t admit this but I ended up losing only 13 pounds last year. That is 1.08 pounds a month…or 4 ounces a week…or 1/10 of an ounce a day.
My new goal is to lose 37 pounds this year. I think I’ll stay off the computer while I am doing (attempting) it this time. Not broadcasting my failure to the world. Some cheering me on and others hoping I will fail. However, I do intend to give quarterly updates. Maybe. I will if I am successful. If not. You won’t be hearing about weight loss from me. How many years will it take to lose 50 pounds?
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